The source of all kinds of bitterness is HURT.
Everyone has his/her own share of hurts and resentments in the past.
But come to think of it, why is there hurt?
I think it’s because we set high expectations from a person. We think we deserve the best, we think we deserve to be reciprocated fairly, we expect the other person to behave the way we want him/her to be and we think it’s our right to. But then what, we get hurt. We get disillusioned. We tend to blame the other person for own own misery.
We wear the “eyeglasses of judgment” when we are hurt. It has been my observation, this is according of course to my own experience, that when I put on the “eyeglasses of judgment” towards the person who has hurt me, at the back of my mind I say things like “You know what, I’ve done a lot of favor for you, but you don’t even seem to give me what I deserve. I’ve expected a lot from you but you failed me! And now I’m hurt!”
I thought I needed same attention, and love. But then I came to realize it, real and pure love does not expect anything in return.
Man does not always have the capability to provide pure love. In our humanly state, we convey love in the expectation that we will eventually get the same feeling. But if we are always in the lookout for something in return, I dare say, it’s not pure love then. Because pure love is self-giving.
Isolation and loneliness also breed bitterness. A person gets hurt by the feeling of lack of sympathy from people, especially from whom he considered most to be loving him. He starts to ask “Where are they? Those who told me that they love me, they don’t seem to care. They must not really love me.” Then here comes the friend of isolation and loneliness, self-pity. “I think I’m hopeless, nobody loves me anyway. Maybe I’m a nobody.”
What then, should I do? Let’s say, what if I’ve given my complete trust to a person, or loved him/her, only to find out that he/she fails me, should I stop expecting from him/her?
I guess if the answer would be YES, then I will begin to harbor a hatred in my heart, then I become bitter. And to make matters worse, I stereotype. I begin to label immediately and lose faith to those kinds of people, the kind whom have hurt me in the past.
If I answer NO, would it mean that many people may trump over my easy forgiveness and soft-heartedness? Then repeat the same oppression over and over again? I guess, I have yet to find it. (Hehe..) But one thing is for sure, a tougher self would emerge. Tougher in ways that I would learn from the past and I would know how to deal with it wisely. I will not be emotionally dependent towards another person. He/She is not responsible for my happiness.
Hurts are unavoidable. We are living beings. We coexist with one another and we naturally expect from one another. But the thing that will make a difference is to FORGIVE and BELIEVE. To forgive means that I have to accept that he/she may have hurt me, but I have to go on in my life freed of the harbored hatred against him/her. It’s about burying the hatchet, and not digging it whenever I want to. Forgiveness will not come in a minute. It will not be easy, but it’s possible. The Lord will not command us something that we cannot do. To believe in a person means to have faith in him/her despite his/her failures to achieve my expectations in the past. The good thing about it is that I may bring out the best in himself/herself.
I may have been hurt, I may have been bitter, but I don’t want to continue with this. It’s too heavy to bear. It will only make me lonelier and lonelier everyday. Don’t you notice that when we forgive, we feel a lot lighter afterwards? You think it’s a coincidence? I don’t think so. 🙂
Thank you Lord for revealing this to me. Forgive me if I got bitter and harbored hatred towards people whom I think have neglected me or to those who have hurt me. Help me to depend on you for joy. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.